Synchronicity and Introducing Spirit Cafe Podcast!

Have you ever had one of those moments where something feels different? Something inside of you says, “Pay attention! This is going to impact your life!” I have them now and again. Most often I’ve had it just before meeting a person who makes a monumental impact in my life - I become aware of them and there’s this tingling knowing that occurs.

About 4 years ago, I had one of those moments. I was attending a corporate event with the company that I worked for and they brought in a motivational speaker. I’ve seen a few of those, you know? Heck, I am one of those! And this one was different. He brought a whip. He said words that I can’t recall, but that saying is true… I remember how he made me feel. I felt uplifted, inspired, and excited. I wanted to be doing what he was doing! Well, maybe without the whip.

Fates aligned and I ended up in a small breakout group that he was leading. I was thrilled; I didn’t know much about him, but I knew that he was an accomplished and gifted speaker and I wasn’t going to miss the chance to introduce myself to John Davis, Corporate Action Hero! John recently shared his recollections of our meeting on his podcast, Inner Action Hero, with one of the nicest introductions that I’ve ever had!

Fast forward several years and suddenly there’s a message from John in my LinkedIn inbox. Would I like to be a guest on his podcast series? Of course! The conversation was so much fun that we did it twice! And we both wanted more. Authentic, invigorating conversations can be hard to come by, especially within the area of spirituality. When we discovered that we’re both what we call “recovered Catholics,” we knew there was more to discover. So, when John suggested that we do our own podcast, I jumped at the opportunity, even though I felt nowhere near ready to delve into the podcast arena!

Take that leap!

Now, as we wrap up recording our 5th episode, I invite you into our Spirit Cafe Podcast Community. We’re everywhere that podcasts are, as well as on Facebook and YouTube.

Join us, let us read your thoughts, and suggest topics. We’re excited about this journey and would love to share it with you!

Surprise! There's More to Heal: What to do when shit surfaces.

Three innocent words, “Happy Birthday, Handsome!” Written on a friend’s timeline. My body had a response I wasn’t expecting. I tensed up, my breath shallowed, and my mind suggested that I was doing something wrong; that I was going to get into trouble.

Then I remembered: I’m safe. That person can’t hurt me anymore. I’m allowed to be friends with men. It’s even ok to flirt.

The lingering effects of domestic abuse don’t simply subside because you leave the relationship. Healing happens in layers and occasionally, even years later, layers surface and surprise us. There’s nothing wrong with us when it happens, so instead of asking yourself that harmful question, orient yourself. Look around the room you’re in. Feel your toes on the floor, your back against your chair, your fingers on that warm mug, or the keyboard, or the table. Give your attention to your breath and consciously slow it down and deepen it. Remind yourself where you are now, in this moment. Where you are now, in your life. Safe. Free. Whole. Yes, even if there’s more healing to do, you are whole. You were never broken, only broken down.

When the shit surfaces, love it. Love it for the reminder of where you were and what you’ve come through. Love it for the reminder to never allow it again. Love it for the message it sends to strengthen your emotional core, learn your worth (if you don’t know it yet), make yourself a priority, create and keep healthy boundaries, and never, ever again let someone else’s hurtful voice become the one in your head.

You are whole. You are worthy. You are lovable. Welcome the layers when they come up because over time, they are smaller, shorter, and allow you to see just how far you’ve come.

February Purification: Burn Away Harmful Habits and Make Way for Healthier New Ones

According to Ancient Romans, February is a time for purification and cleansing before the transformation of spring begins in March. It follows this period of reflection as the New Year begins, when many of us resolve to start fresh with healthier habits - perhaps giving up sugar or adding daily exercise to our routines. Research shows, however, that by this point in the year, most of us have already given up on those resolutions.

If you committed to new, healthier habits in January, or created a dedicated theme for your year, are you still taking action toward your intention? If not, why not? If not, why not begin again? Purify, cleanse, release, and renew.

Not sure where to begin your purification process? Here are a few suggestions.

Tam’s Top 10 Tips for February Cleansing (and no, I’m not going to suggest a juice cleanse, so stick with me):

1) Start with your closets. Our "stuff" affects our energy, whether we think so or not. Take an hour and Marie Kondo that space! Grab a big box or bag and clear out any casual wear that you haven't worn in a year. Go through your business clothes and clear out anything that no longer fits. If you're not actively taking action toward the body of your dreams, rid yourself of the reminder of what you aren't accomplishing and choose to accept your new normal. Keep the clothes that you feel good in and that make you feel attractive and sexy just as you are. Yes, business-wear can feel sexy. If it doesn't, donate! Finally, look through your fancy dresses or suits and do the same. Keep the ones that light you up and you know for sure you'll wear again (yes, one day we'll be able to join together for big, fancy parties!) and donate the rest.

2. Surfaces!!! If you're anything like me, flat surfaces around the house become a host for piles of papers, books, and other random items that I have no idea where to store. Take the time to figure it out or throw it out! Then, dust or wash so that it looks shiny and new. If it's a dresser, keep it clear except for a few meaningful momentos or a jewelry box. A dining table... use it for dining! A lovely centerpiece will remind you to keep it clean. Invest in some storage if you have pictures or papers that need to be organized. Yes, this one might take longer than an hour and it's worth it to look around and FEEL how clear your space is.

3. Do a mind dump! One of the most cluttered areas in our lives is our minds. Did you know that on average we have 60,000 thoughts a day and 95% of them are the same ones that we had the day before and the day before that and the day before that and... you get the picture. Take 30 minutes to journal out all of the repeating thoughts that keep cluttering your brain space. Ask yourself the question, what thoughts do I keep thinking? Is it a conversation that you wish had gone better or one that you're rehearsing? Is it self-criticism that feels so natural that you barely notice it anymore? It's time to start noticing. All change begins with awareness and intention. So start paying attention and dump those thoughts! (PS - I’m amazing at helping people with this, so if you’re ready to get serious on this subject, contact me!)

4. Digital Detox: Take a day or two off of your devices. I did this in January and it created so much more space in my mind and my day. The things you can accomplish when you stop scrolling! Not to mention, after just 8 hours, I stopped thinking in short Facebook status updates. Do you do that? I did. We have enough natural chatter in our minds, which you’ll be especially aware once you’ve done the mind dump from above; we just don’t need the added conversations that Social Media adds.

5. Speaking of FB… isn’t it time to clean-up your feed? I swear by a carefully curated Facebook Feed for maximum enjoyment and minimum stress when I am on that platform. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to be “friends” with every person you’ve ever known in your life. You don’t even have to be Facebook friends with your family. In fact, not being FB friends with one of my siblings is a credit to our relationship. I like him more when I don’t see the things that we vehemently disagree upon.

6. Watch what you’re watching - (Mal)Nourishment comes in many forms. Everything that you’re taking into your body and mind is effecting you. You might not think that 11 o’clock news program is upsetting your sleep, but what are you dreaming about? Watching serial killer shows right before bed? Bet they’re creeping in, as well. Spend a week reducing your TV/Netflix/Other viewing and try watching only programs that are educational or uplifting. Just for a week! Not a whole lifetime. No big, violent action flicks or dark tales of murder and mayhem. Try reading a book instead or watching rom coms. And, if sleep is a trouble spot for you, turn it all off two hours before bed to help your mind settle down before you try to do the same.

7. Peruse the perimeter! Now that you have more time on your hands (since you’re off of your devices… after you finish reading this, obviously), take another look around your home, especially around the walls. What are you stacking or storing that you no longer need? What else can you give away, donate, or trash? Is there an old, ugly couch in the corner that you haven’t bothered to drop at the curb, but you haven't sat on for years? How about your kitchen? A broken robot vacuum that you only wish would work? Do you really need 3 different coffee makers, griddles, or fruit baskets? Clear away the old and make some space for the new (not new stuff! New energy!).

8. Now, clean. You have less to move or go around, so give your home a good clean. Wash those windows, do your annual mopping (wait, is that just me?), and wipe down the baseboards. Give it a refresh. Consider it exercise. Cleaning burns calories, so it’s like a two for one!

9. Time for fire… symbolically or with incense and candles. Now that your home is clear of clutter and clean, your mind is running more efficiently with less to bog it down, so light some sage or your favorite scent of incense, some candles, and then turn on Barry White… wait, wrong topic… Back to the cleanse… Symbolically burn away old energies that no longer serve you. Set an intention to continually cleanse and purify yourself throughout the year to keep this new vibrancy that you’re feeling inside and out.

10. Take a bath! This one is really just for fun, but it fits the theme. You have the candles lit already. Why not top off all of this cleaning and decluttering of your homes (body home and physical home) with a good, hot soak? It’s the epitome of cleansing and purifying. Add some bath salts. Make it a ceremony. Begin again, committed to this new, cleaner, clearer you. Then, rock on with your bad self. ;)

Keep Failing at Creating a Life You Love? Here's Why...

So many people that I work with share the core belief that they are not enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not attractive enough, not outgoing enough, not a good enough cook, a good enough parent, a good enough friend, a good enough (insert professional title), or a good enough anything.

The script running in the background with that belief keeps you disconnected from living your fullest, biggest, best life. We limit ourselves because what underlies that "not good enough" belief is that we don't *deserve* the life we desire. You don't deserve it because you're not enough.

I want you to know that it isn't true, my friends. You are enough and you do deserve to create and live a life that you love. You deserve it now. You don't need another degree, certification (yeah, I'm talking to myself here, too 😊 ), promotion, partner, or ego-boost of any form because the life we love doesn't come from our ego. Believing you're enough and having true confidence does not come from your Ego. It comes from the deepest center of your heart and soul.

If you're a spiritual person, and you most likely are to some degree since you're here, you must know that Creator/Source/God/theUniverse (whatever name you put on it) does not make mistakes. They make perfection. You arrived here perfect and you will leave here perfect and it's up to you what you'll be in-between... and you're perfect. Just as you are.

If you don't get the promotion/the raise/ the girlfriend / the house / the whatever, it doesn't mean you weren't good enough or that you don't deserve it. It means that it isn't meant for you right now, in this time and place. You are being guided toward your most perfect experience, so lament not. Trust that where you are along your path is exactly where you're meant to be. You're not off the path, you're not missing the path, you are on your path. Every step of your life has been exactly where you were meant to be, even the rockiest, muddiest, most challenging areas. They brought you here, didn't they? And this is where you belong.

You can heal the relationship with yourself just like you can heal a rift with a friend or a lover. You need only to be willing to try and then to make a commitment to treating yourself in a more loving... or if that feels like too much to start with... a kinder way.

Start to become aware of the way that you speak to yourself in your mind and if you have a bully in there, allow yourself to start writing up its termination contract. You don't need that bully anymore. It has served you and now its service is no longer required. Thank it, give it a severance package, and send it on its way.

The Path of the Conscious Creator

Today, I’m writing to the Conscious Creators out there. Those of you, who by choice, or a higher guidance that you can’t ignore no matter how hard you try, are driven to constantly, with or through imperfect action, toward your ideal life. A life most fully expressed through and by you.

This is not the easy path. The easy path is the one that is programmed into us from birth. That check list of 1. Go to school, 2. Get a good job, 3. Get married, 4. Buy a home, 5. Have kids, 6. Live happily ever after.

The thing is, most of us don’t live happily ever after. Some feel mild discontent in this societally conditioned and acceptable path, yet rarely question it. Some attempt to alleviate their dissatisfaction, or worse - pain, through drugs, alcohol, Netflix binges, or the internet in various forms. They are content in their discontent and would rather complain or cover than make the effort that change and fully living require.

Many of us begin to wake up as our discontent grows into desperately unhappy and we feel lost, even to ourselves. Here, we have two choices - stay and do as society expects OR start listening to, and being guided by, that higher voice; that Higher Guidance who put you here to have vibrant, fully experienced and expressed life.

This is not the easy path. When it opens to you, when you begin to awaken, there is no turning back. We may pause temporarily, start to doze when we hit a comfortable spot, but something keeps nudging us, refusing to let us fall back to sleep. ”Comfortable,” or “Good enough,” aren’t the way of the Conscious Creator.

That voice inside will keep whispering to you, “Hey, this is nice, it ticks a lot of boxes, but it isn’t that ideal, shoot for the stars life that you want and you know it! You want passion and fire and the full depth of emotion and experience, remember? Are you comfortable right now or are you lit up from within? We hear this and we know that eventually, we are going to have to gather our courage and do hard things. We have to make difficult decisions that may not feel very good in the moment. Who wants to leave that cozy, comfortable job, or relationship, or whatever it is that’s keeping you from experiencing the life that you truly desire? Who wants to hurt people they care about?

Six years ago, I was contemplating divorce. It was finally easy for me to see, and admit, that the relationship was very unhealthy, but I wasn’t sure what to do because we have 3 children together. I spent a lot of time in tears on the floor of my bedroom asking for help from the Universe to guide me. After several days there and so many tears, the silence finally washed over me and I heard, “What is right for you is right for all.”

When you come to a decision from that place of silent, still, clarity within you and you know with every fiber of your being that the decision is right for you, then there is no doubt that it is also right for everyone involved. It isn’t right for one person and not the other, whether that’s a relationship, a job, or anything else. When you decide from that Highest Truth, not Ego, you can feel the difference with practice - then what is right is right for everyone, even if it doesn’t feel that way in the moment.

How do you know the difference between the Ego and the Higher Truth? The Ego feels disconnected from your body. The Higher Truth comes from that place deep within us and we can feel it with every part of our Being. It is always guiding us lovingly to our next steps, if not without intense sensations that might be described as painful. The Ego will be harsh and play on your fears. The Truth only comforts with love.

Some Higher Truths, those answers that come guiding us toward the next right step, are harder to carry out than others. Often, we wait until the Truth is no longer whispering, but fully shouting at us that it is time to move. Time to shift. Time to make the changes that support us in our growth and expansion, moving us closer to that ideal, fully expressed life. If you’re a Conscious Creator, practiced or new to this path, trust that the Courage will show up when you need it. And remember, you are not alone. You may look around and see no one quite like you in your life, but we’re out here, supporting you. We are all around, courageously creating and living the lives of our dreams one step forward at a time. You might recognize us by the people calling us either crazy or brave. We may be a little of both and life is meant to be lived!

Those of you on this path, and you must be or you wouldn’t still be reading this, come to recognize that the highest emotions, the ones typically judged as good or positive, like joy, happiness, aliveness, excitement, those will only ever be as good as we are willing to experience and express their opposites - the grief, the sadness, frustration, and hurt that so often come along with doing the hard things that are required to keep us moving forward.

If you’re feeling a call toward living more consciously, more courageously, I repeat, you’re not alone. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Over the past 6 years, I’ve built a beautiful community of Conscious Creators locally through Meetup.com. Now, we’re gathering from around the globe in a private Facebook Group. You can join us or you can join another group that speaks to your soul. Learn to notice and trust those intuitive nudges that guide you.

This is not the easy path. And it is so worth it.

You are loved. You are courageous. You are a Conscious Creator!

5 Practices to Get the Most Out of Your Gratitude Challenge!

In 5 or 6 weeks, gratitude posts are going to begin popping up all over the place. In fact, it was a 30-day challenge that I gave myself nearly 3 years ago that began my path to grateful living. I wanted to make a change in me, and as an ever-so-slightly competitive person, I respond well to challenges, even those that are self-imposed. I figured the month of Thanksgiving (Thanks Giving) was a good time to begin, so I simultaneously challenged myself to post gratitude for 30 days AND get on the elliptical machine every day, too. I was ready to finally shed the weight that I carried from having 3 kids and a French (now-ex) husband who could cook like a god. I succeeded in my challenge, and so I did it again a year later and basically, I never stopped. Aside from dropping off for a night or two, or even a few weeks here and there, I've been consistently practicing and posting gratitude for nearly 2 years and you know what? It feels darn good. 

In my amateur research on the topic, I discovered many unexpected benefits of gratitude and that there were specific ways of practicing gratitude that created the most impact. 

1. Write it down. Writing down your gratitude allows you to experience whatever you're grateful for all over again! It's like bathing your cells in goodness! 

2. Be Specific. This is the opposite of generalizing by writing, "I am so grateful for my family." Yes, and? WHAT, specifically, are you grateful about in regards to your family? An example of specificity would be like this: "I am so grateful for my family because we recognize that our bond as family is more important than our political leanings. Today, my brother and I had a deeply respectful and loving conversation about our different viewpoints, which led us to discovering our similarities." Like so. #truestory

3. List 5 Things. Sometimes my lists easily edge closer to 7 or 8 things, and sometimes coming up with 5 is a challenge. But that's the point! We are working to build a muscle, change our neurology, teach ourselves to actively look for what we can be grateful for throughout our day. Looking for moments in your day that were loving, funny, kind, and meaningful becomes a habit after a few weeks (disclaimer: habits take closer to 60 days to form; not the 21 days as previously espoused). We are actively re-wiring our brains when we practice gratitude. After a while, I began to notice that in moments of irritation I would start to wonder what, about the situation, would I be grateful for later. That was an exceptionally powerful habit to foster as I experienced divorce, I tell you, but that's a story for another time. 

4. Change it up. Be sure to find different things to be grateful for each day. Don't just say your kids every day. Getting specific helps in that, but writing about the same thing every night loses its charge. It's important to look at all areas of your day and your life. 

5. Practice first thing in the morning or the last thing at night (or both!). Many gratitude enthusiasts suggest beginning your day with gratitude. I can see how that would be powerful, and occasionally, I do, however, I'm usually in a rush in the morning. I made it my practice to write my gratitude posts just before bed. Sometimes even in bed. For me, this ensures that no matter how challenging of a day I might have had, or how grumpy I might feel after trying to get 3 kids to (stay in!) bed, I end my day feeling loving and peaceful. I end up being incredibly grateful for gratitude. 

A practice of gratitude will change your life. It will. It will change your neurology, it will change your outlook, it will improve your physical and emotional health, and it will very likely improve your relationship with yourSelf and others.  

I invite you to begin a practice of gratitude online or in a journal (handwriting has even more benefits, but my fingers can keep up with my thoughts faster on a keyboard than with a pen). I'll be posting nightly, as always, within my Facebook Create A Life You Love Group. If you're local to Metro Detroit, you're welcome to join us. If not, create your own gratitude challenge among your friends. Accountability is a powerful motivator. You can even post your gratitude in the comments below - I'd LOVE 30-days of gratitude comments!! I'd be so grateful.